Daddy

Today is Father’s Day. A day to reflect on your father and try to figure out what he does that makes him so special.

It’s not enough to just be a sperm donor. Nope. Being a Daddy starts at birth and lasts the rest of your life.

Being a Daddy means providing the basics for your family....food, shelter, education, medical care, instruction, encouragement, and, most of all, love.

Everybody has their own way of expressing love. Some are more outward, some are rather introverted about it. Either way, it’s love.

My Daddy was an introvert when it came to expressing love. I can’t remember a time when he told me directly that he loved me.

Talking about love just wasn’t my Daddy’s thing. But he used to take me fishing and hunting. He would help me fix something if I broke it. He would help me with my homework. He would help me do anything I asked of him.

I remember the story about the time I pooped in my pants. Momma was gone and Daddy had the task of changing me. Momma says just as she walked back in the house, she saw Daddy holding my butt under the cold water spigot. That’s probably when I decided potty training was a better alternative.

When I wanted to play football in Jr. High School, my Daddy told me I could play football all I wanted, but he said I was old enough to earn my own spending money, if I wanted any, and I had to make a choice. I got a job.

When I became 15, I could get my driver’s license. Daddy let me. He always let me use the car when I wanted it as long as I put gas in it and paid my portion of the insurance. Heck, he even let me put spinners on the front hubcaps and portawalls (fake whitewalls) on all the wheels.

When I turned 17, he had a talk with me. He said he could get me in the Army National Guard or that I could join any military service I wanted, but I was going to get into some branch regardless. By then I was maverick enough to know I didn’t want the Army so I joined the Naval Reserve.

He was there when I got married. He had just had major surgery and could hardly walk, but he was there for the whole thing and never complained.

The whole time I was on active duty with the Navy, I can never remember getting a letter from him. I think Momma wrote me two or three times over the two year period, but on the other hand, I didn’t write them a whole lot either.

When we had our first child, he and Momma made the long haul from Mississippi to Connecticut to visit and take pictures of their grandchild. Daddy bought a brand new 35 mm Canon camera for the occasion. I still have that camera and it still takes a good picture.

As time passed, we wanted to buy a house. I needed money for a down payment so I asked Daddy for a loan. He turned me down and told me that if we really wanted the house we would find a way to get the down payment. He was right and we got the house.

After Viet Nam settled down, I started looking for a way to get back into the Guard or Reserves. I had nine years credited service and wanted to get my 20 for retirement purposes. I shopped all the armed forces and the Army offered me the best deal. So I joined the Army Reserve....the same unit where my Daddy was a Command Sergeant Major. I was a lowly E-4, a Spec 4.

Daddy showed me how to wear the uniform, how to take care of it, and gave me some private pointers on the Army’s way of doing things. Believe me, there is a vast difference between the Army and the Navy. Since I had previous service, I didn’t have to go to Army boot camp.

I had never fired an M-16, heck I’d never even held one. Daddy gave me tips and watched out for me the first time I went to the range to qualify.

On Reserve weekends, he would pick me up at 5 a.m. sharp and we would go to the Holiday Inn for breakfast. There we would join up with three or four others who were about Daddy’s age and higher in rank than I. But, I listened and learned a lot from them.

Over the years, I was promoted on a regular basis to the point that I was an E-8 and Daddy was an E-9 and the highest ranking enlisted man in the unit. Our unit was really two; we had the command and the headquarters company. Even though they were under the same overall command, the company had it’s own personnel and equipment and was charged with providing the essentials to the command.

One day, they told me they wanted me to be the company First Sergeant. That was the highest ranking enlisted person for the company. So we had my Dad the Command Sergeant Major and I was the Company First Sergeant. We both had charge of a number of enlisted people.

By then, I had pretty well learned my way around. Daddy and I grew ever closer as we always had something in common to share.

Then in the early part of 1976, Daddy was diagnosed with cancer and was given approximately six months to live. It was devastating news. But, he was determined to fight it and managed to live about two and a half years longer.

During the time of his illness, Daddy and I had several man-to-man talks. We joked with each other and enjoyed each other’s company. I told him of my aspirations and dreams. He was very encouraging obviously wanting to see his son do well.

One of the things I had told him was of my desire to become an officer in the Army Reserve. Daddy bought me an “Army Officer’s Guide”, inscribed it, and gave it to me. I became an officer in 1982.

In July 1978, Daddy passed away. He wanted to die at home and did. I was out of the room when he took his last breath, but was summoned immediately there after. I looked him square in the face, held his right hand in my right hand and shook his hand as a way of saying, “Good bye”. Then I turned and left the room. I think that’s the way Daddy would have wanted me act.

We had served together as father and son. One day we will serve together again and exchange stories and make each other laugh.

I miss my Daddy.